Retrospect: Number One (And Two)

Written on Wednesday, October 08, 2008:

Point Number One: I am dissatisfied with complacency. I feel comfortable where I am at MSU--with what I'm doing and my level of involvement in things-- but is that okay? Should I want to feel comfortable? I suppose comfort to a certain extent is reasonable... basic physical comfort is desirable for obvious reasons (and ironically, I feel as if that need is not being totally met here, in my concrete-box-prison-cell of a dorm room). But Jesus says time and time again that the way is narrow...which leads me to think that the way is not easy.... and therefore not "comfortable."

Bear in mind that when I say "comfortable", I don't mean that I believe following Jesus means a lack of peace, or that his followers are walking around with a constant pain in their sides. I'm simply wondering that if we ever get to a place where we are no longer being challenged with life-- no longer stepping out and risking things and occasionally struggling with the weight of the cross that we bear-- that we are missing something.


Written on Monday, October 13, 2008:

Miss Independant.

That's what I am. I've decided.
While I love people and being social and consider relationships to be one of the key factors of the life as Jesus calls us to live, I still enjoy being on my own from time to time. I love being independent and exploring and accomplishing... it kind of makes me feel alive sometimes. Which brings me to...

Where is the middle ground here? Both introversion and extroversion are integral parts of a balanced life... but how does one balance them? What does that look like? How can you tell when you've gone to far in one direction? Sometimes I fear that I will become too rooted in my independence to realize that relationships and social interactions get neglected. Or that I will get too caught up in my social life that I will become burnt out before I realize that I need some time for personal recollection (usually more the former than the latter bothers me-- for some reason it's easier to pick up on the cues that I'm lacking "me"-time).

Man. College prompts a lot of thought that wouldn't otherwise be prompted. I guess I'm thankful for that. :)
Speaking of college...

Isn't the point of college to LEARN? Well, with the way some of my mid-terms are set up, I have been stuck in my room all weekend studying for HOURS, processing information (half of which will probably not even be of use to me on the exams) but not LEARNING. I can't learn like this! I can't concentrate on hundreds of pages of text for 6 hours straight! Just because I write things down and memorize words and phrases doesn't mean I'm actually picking up the concepts.

Those of you still in High School, please take time to celebrate your neat little question-by-question study guides, because for some reason once you enter college, learning merely becomes an optional manifest function of education... the real objective in college is to stress each student out to the point of absolute misery.